15 Years as a Divorce Lawyer: What Family Disputes Have Taught Me

By Girish Gautam
2026-06-12

DIVORCE LAWYERS AND LITIGANTS

Having practiced as a divorce lawyer for more than 15 years in the field of family disputes, I have come to the conclusion that divorce cases are fundamentally different from other legal disputes. Generally, the litigants in divorce matters are young or middle-aged individuals who have never faced a trial in their lives — in fact, many of them have never visited a court before.

When a dispute arises in their personal life, they usually confide in their close friends and family. Out of love, these well-wishers often blame the opposite spouse. What may have started as a small misunderstanding soon escalates into a major issue, and a trivial matter transforms into a full-fledged matrimonial dispute. Eventually, the police, lawyers, friends, and relatives enter the picture — and a relationship built on love and care slowly turns into one filled with resentment and hostility.

By the time the divorce matter reaches the court, the arrogance and rigidity of both parties has hardened into an unresolvable dispute. They stop thinking rationally and begin fighting purely out of ego.

THE ROLE OF A DIVORCE LAWYER

The role of a divorce lawyer, therefore, is not merely to argue the case. A responsible lawyer must try to understand the root cause of the dispute, give their client full attention, and provide meaningful counselling. They should always keep the option of settlement open. It is important for every advocate to recognize that human behaviour is complex, and each matrimonial dispute has its own unique story. No two divorce cases are ever truly alike.

From my experience, clients rarely reveal the whole truth to their families — often out of hesitation, fear, or embarrassment. This makes it all the more important for a lawyer to create a safe and comfortable environment where clients can freely express their real pain and the actual facts of the case.

Similarly, litigants must understand that their counsel can only contest the case based on the information provided to them. It is therefore the duty of the client to share the true and complete facts with their counsel regarding the dispute.

A WORD OF WISDOM

In divorce cases, I always share these beautiful lines of the great poet Shri Bashir Badar Saheb:

"Dushmani karna to jam ke karna, magar ye gunjaish rahe, jab kabhi dost ho jaayein to sharminda na ho"

This means: Even if you must oppose someone, do it honestly — never with false allegations — so that if there ever comes a day when you reunite, you do not feel ashamed of your past conduct.